


A Wild Horse Named Desire

by thegrimshapeofyoursmile



Category: All Elite Wrestling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Anxiety, Burnout - Freeform, Horses, M/M, Multi, Non-Wrestling AU, Rodeo Competitions, Slow Burn, Yearning, horseboy!Adam, progamer!Kenny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27533689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegrimshapeofyoursmile/pseuds/thegrimshapeofyoursmile
Summary: Two minutes ago he had thought of nothing but emptiness stretched before him. Now there was this dude with his smoking car and short khaki pants. If that was a metaphor, Adam thought with a snort, it sure was a shitty one.
Relationships: Kenny Omega/Adam Page, past Kenny Omega/Kota Ibushi
Comments: 16
Kudos: 28





	1. Adam

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for quite a lot of anxiety in this chapter. 
> 
> Uh yeah, welcome to this non-wrestling AU because I‘ve completely lost my mind and started another writing project on top of my other ones I suppose?? I just need more Kenny/Adam content in my life, okay.
> 
> By the way, Red Oak Ranch and Blackburn are completely fictional places. Only Montana is real, or so I‘ve heard.

It was going to rain. Not yet, not for hours, but certainly during the night or at least the following morning. The way Gallows nervously flicked her ears every now and then told him, just like the clouds and the ground beneath her hooves.

Adam might not know himself most days, but he knew his horse.

Kate came out of the house and tipped her hat up to squint at the sky, a frown appearing on her weathered, tanned face before she clapped Adam‘s shoulder. “Don‘t forget to stock up enough for the entire week when you‘re in town. I think we‘re gonna have a hell of a storm comin‘.“

For a moment he considered snapping at her that he knew what he was doing and that there was a storm right ahead of them. But the fight and irritation left him as quickly as they had flared up, and so he simply finished feeding Gallows, patted her one last time and handed Kate the empty bucket. “Yeah.“

“Adam,“ Kate said. Her face had softened in the way that meant that she felt sorry for him. She had heard of his invitation to the tournament then, had probably listened to him decline when the Jackson brothers had called him that morning. It was hard to keep anything secret from his aunt; they were knit together too closely for that, their lives intermingling the way it had to when people wanted to run a ranch smackdab in the middle of Montana. Still. Sometimes Adam regretted not simply moving literally anywhere else after what happened two years ago, choosing instead to leave Virginia and come here. Most days he loved his aunt. On days like this, he couldn‘t even love himself.

Gallows lowered her face and huffed into his hair. He patted her again, then gently freed himself from her administrations. Kate was still watching him.

“I‘ll take the truck,“ he said.

“Right,“ Kate replied. “You wanna talk about it?“

“Nope.“

“That‘s what did your father in, in the end. You know that, right?“

Adam gritted his teeth so hard that he felt it in his entire skull. “Not. Talking. About it.“

He didn‘t give her a chance to reply. Instead he left the stables with angry, quick steps and went into the house to grab his wallet and the keys for the truck. He wished for a bit of quietness, he wished for a stiff drink, he wished for a new life. What he got instead was at least the car, and the street that stretched out wide between Red Oak Ranch and the quaint little town of Blackburn. It was a drive of about forty to fifty minutes depending on how fast he intended to go, and he could have mastered this route in his sleep. 

There it was, nothing more than an empty street stretched out into the horizon. No twists. No turns. Just like the rest of his life, he had left everything that was of worth behind. If possible, he would have spent the rest of his time on earth without ever leaving the ranch, working with the horses and drinking himself into blissful oblivion as much as he could. But they needed the exchange with town and Kate was busy enough as it was on the ranch, her two kids - Adam‘s cousins - supporting her on the field and in the house. Most days Adam didn‘t mind. On days like this, there was nothing he would have liked to do less. 

The thought of running into one or both of the Jackson brothers was nauseating. He gripped the steering wheel a little faster and forced himself to breathe as calmly as possible. Wasn‘t their fault that he was a fuck-up. Wasn‘t their fault that he couldn‘t accept what they had offered him, probably only meaning well. The car‘s silence didn‘t do much to keep his mind from running around itself in frantic circles. He reached for the stereo with one hand while keeping the other on the steering wheel, fiddling with the radio settings until giving up with a curse. The staticky noise of a wrong radio wave was even worse than silence, so he turned it off again. Nothing but him and the streets and his thoughts. 

Great. Real fucking great.

Adam understood why so many people were angry at him - it was pretty easy, once you started with it. Deep breaths. The street still stretched out before him, achingly empty, vast and lonely. Deep breaths. It wasn‘t a particularly good day. He wanted to turn around, saddle Gallows and ride out into the lands of the ranch until he couldn‘t see the house anymore.

What he did instead was squint his eyes. There was a vague blob on the horizon that managed to divert his attention, at least for the moment. When he came closer, the blob turned out to be a smoking car on the side of the road. A guy stood in front of it, hands helplessly on his hips, head full of sweaty, blond curls. He was examining the smoking hood with a headshake that seemed to signal some kind of utter defeat. It struck him then, the weirdness of this encounter. Two minutes ago he had thought of nothing but emptiness stretched before him. Now there was this dude with his smoking car and short khaki pants. If that was a metaphor, Adam thought with a snort, it sure was a shitty one.

For a split second, Adam considered just hitting the gas and speeding past him. Then he sighed deeply, slowed down until he came to a halt and cranked the window down. “You need help or somethin‘?“ 

The guy turned around - Adam had never seen him in his life, which was quite impressive in this nook of Montana - and his entire face lit up with relief. He seemed to be a little older than himself, probably around thirty, and there were shadows under his eyes, almost purple like bruises. Still, he sounded almost happy when he said, “Fuck - I mean, yeah, God, please. I think my engine broke down, but actually I have absolutely no clue about cars. The smoke shouldn‘t be there, though, I think.“

Adam suppressed a grin. The stranger‘s voice was quite pleasant, with the hint of an accent he couldn‘t really place. Perhaps it was that what prompted him to turn off his own engine and get out of the car. “Lemme look at that.“

“Sure, yeah, go ahead.“

He obediently shuffled a little aside so that Adam could lean over the open hood. Absently he noted that the stranger wore sandals, then he was distracted by the damage. “This car is shit.“

“Well, it did bring me this far.“ The stranger sighed next to him. “Can you fix it?“

“I don‘t think so,“ Adam said after a moment of carefully pondering over the matter before he straightened his posture and lifted his brows. “I mean I‘m not a professional mechanic, I only know a bit or two about cars - there‘s a pretty good workshop in Blackburn, ‘bout ten minutes from here. If it can be fixed, they can do that there. I could take you there, at worst they can at least come here and tow the thing away.“

“I was headed there anyway,“ the stranger replied, relief very visible on his face again. He held out his hand to Adam and smiled. “Thanks for your help. I‘m Kenny.“

Adam shook his hand and found that he was smiling as well, his mood lifted in a way he had not expected an hour ago. “Adam.“

He helped Kenny get his stuff - it was quite a lot for a single guy: two huge suitcases, two completely stuffed duffle bags - and moved it into the truck, then waited until Kenny had fastened his seatbelt before he hit the road. The energy was different now, with someone next to him who lived, breathed, thought away the space that would have otherwise been solely occupied by his frazzled mind. He found that it was easier to concentrate on the street now. “Looks like you‘re plannin‘ to stay for a while. Got family around here?“

“Something like that,“ Kenny replied with a little laughter. “I uh, I need a bit of an extended vacation and I‘ve got friends around here. Matt and Nick Jackson? We‘ve known each other for ages.“

“Oh,“ Adam said, tentatively good mood evaporating again. “Right.“

He was a little surprised when Kenny immediately picked up the change of atmosphere. “Do you know them?“

“A little,“ Adam replied, which was technically not a lie. He thought of their call this morning again, stomach churning at the memory. Deep breaths. “Everyone around here knows at least those two of the Jackson brothers.“

“I‘m not surprised in the least,“ Kenny laughed. “I haven‘t seen them in ages - spent the last six years in Japan, actually -, so I‘m pretty curious about how they‘re doing for themselves these days. Are they still doing rodeo?“

Adam gritted his teeth at the question that was no doubt asked in absolute innocence over the way it seemed to pull his skin taut where it stretched in fine scars across bone on his ribs. 

Rodeo. In the end, it all came back to it, no matter where he went.

“Yeah,“ he said after what he knew was too long a time to be polite, “I suppose they do, yeah.“

“Great,“ Kenny said after a moment. From the corner of his eyes, Adam saw his smile - but he also was keenly aware of his gaze burning on his skin for a moment before he leaned back in his seat. “I‘m looking forward to seeing them again. It‘s really been too long. You live in the area as well?“

“Yeah. Red Oak Ranch, ‘bout forty to fifty minutes from Blackburn.“

“Jesus. I gotta get used to all the space again, Tokyo‘s pretty cramped everywhere. You don‘t get something like this there.“ He gestured outside where the valley stretched out in all its beauty before them. 

“I can imagine,“ Adam said not without sympathy and secretly pretty glad for the opener to change topics. “So you, uh, went there for work?“

“Yeah, you could say that.“

“So what‘re you doing?“

Now there was definitely some hesitation. Adam had noticed it before when he had mentioned the vacation and when he had asked about work, yet didn’t think too much about it. But now he was pretty sure that there was something more than what Kenny was telling him. On the other hand, what was he to say? He didn‘t even really know the guy. Not the worst thing, not telling a practical stranger every little thing about yourself only because he picked you up from the street.

“I‘m a professional player,“ he finally said.

“That‘s cool!“ Adam said with a little surprise and immediately felt awkward about it when Kenny merely smiled a little too tightly in reply. Nope, definitely not a good topic then. Leave it to him to find every single opportunity to put his foot in his mouth. He decided to shut up for a while and tried not to let the nervousness get to him. 

Thankfully, he was saved by Kenny‘s phone that vibrated with a call not soon after. He tried not to listen too much when Kenny talked with whoever was at the end of the line, reassuring them that everything was okay and he was on his way. Probably one of the Jacksons, then. Adam barely suppressed a sigh and thought of stopping at the Blackburn bar for getting a drink before driving back home. That probably depended on how quick the storm would be. He wasn‘t suicidal enough to drink when he had to drive home through a storm.

Finally Kenny ended the call. “That was Nick,“ he unnecessarily offered as an explanation. “Could you drop me at their house? The address is-“

“I know where it is,“ Adam interrupted him and suppressed another deep sigh. There went his chance of avoiding them for the time being. It couldn‘t be helped, though. He had agreed to help this stranger and Kenny wasn‘t at any fault for his very own shortcomings. 

“Well then,“ he said and this time let the sigh escape. “Let‘s ride.“


	2. Kenny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING about discussing a rodeo accident with animal fatalities at the end of this chapter.

It was not a particularly favourable way to start into an indefinite vacation, but then again the entire year had dealt him one blow after the other so far, so at least Kenny kept up his streak. Or something like that.

And even though his car probably was beyond repair, at least it had brought him into the situation of riding along a complete, albeit pretty handsome stranger. It was amazing, really, how a single man could look so much like a cowboy without even wearing a Stetson. Adam was a little awkward, but it was easily noticeable that he was trying to be polite. Kenny shouldn‘t even look at him, not with the way his heart still felt like an open wound. Kenny probably looked at him a little longer than necessary, and he hated himself for it. It all still seemed so surreal. He wasn‘t even sure why he hadn‘t simply told Adam that he wasn‘t a professional player, he was a professional gamer, one of the best in the world. Had been. 

Kenny rubbed his brow and sighed.

“You alright?“ Adam asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

Kenny forced a smile on his lips, even though nobody was directly looking at him. It was a habit by now. “Yeah. Just a bit of a headache.“

“Probably ’cause of the storm that‘s coming,“ Adam said. “Drives some people and animals a little mad, I guess.“

“Probably,“ Kenny easily agreed, knowing that it had nothing to do with the storm at all. He gazed out the window, for one not minding that Adam kept quiet, his brow still furrowed. It had been that way since Kenny had asked whether Matt and Nick were still doing rodeo. A baffling thing, really, but he didn‘t know anything about the man, so who knew what demons were following him. God knew that Kenny had more than enough of them on his own. Still, he couldn‘t help but be a bit curious, mentally making a note to ask Matt and Nick about it. “Hey, could you drop me at Matt‘s?“

“Sure. Was about to do that anyway. Doesn‘t make that much difference, though, they live in the same street.“

Kenny already knew that, but he nodded anyway. It was the least he could do for all the trouble he caused.

They reached Blackburn, which was as anticlimactic as Kenny had expected from what his friends had told him. That wasn‘t to say that it was an ugly place, far from it. Blackburn was a quaint little town somewhere between a village and a city sizewise, and the officials seemed to take good care of it: The streets were clean, there was a lot of green between well-kept houses and a decent amount of traffic. It was bustling enough, but nobody seemed to be really in a hurry. It was not like Tokyo at all, and for a moment Kenny‘s heart seized so hard with longing that he grit his teeth together in order to keep in a whimper. It was the stupidest thing, really. Here he was, silently and metaphorically bleeding all over his chest and through his fingers, and Tokyo - everything and everyone he had left behind there - probably didn‘t really miss him that much. 

He reached for his sunglasses, put them on and did what he always did: Play the part. So he smiled until he could pretend to really feel it and commented, “Pretty. Perfect for a holiday.“

“Yeah, well, there‘s plenty of quiet, but there‘s also a bit of entertainment,“ Adam replied, moving through the streets with ease. “A bar over there - they‘re occasionally holding dances there, too -, there‘s a hall where we‘ve got some events every now and then. Uhm, there‘s a gym, an arcade-“ Kenny‘s heart seized again. Unnoticing, Adam carried on. “A few concerts a year and … other stuff. Yeah. I mean I could show you around sometime-“ He cut himself off and shook his head in an almost angry motion. “Well, I guess you got the Young Bucks for that.“

Kenny smiled a little at the casual way he used Matt and Nick‘s calf roping team name. It certainly brought back memories, the kind that didn‘t hurt so much. “I don‘t mind not being in their hair all the time. You could show me around your ranch sometime, if you‘ve got the time.“

Adam seemed a little surprised, but that got the first real smile out of him that Kenny had seen so far. “Sure. My pleasure.“ 

He had a sort of rugged charm when he smiled. Kenny pointedly turned his eyes away and stared ahead while he started gently flexing his hands. They were stiff and uncooperative because he had forgotten to take care of them this morning. It was his hands where he felt his age the most. Thirty-one was not that old, generally speaking. For a gamer, however, it was usually past his prime. Professional sports, all kinds of sports, took a toll on the bodies of those participating. He looked at his fingers as he stretched them, wondering whether he would ever be able to return, especially after the damage that had been done by the injury that put this entire series of events that had led to him being here in motion. 

The answer was pretty clear. He was just too stubborn to accept it.

“There we are,“ Adam said, effectively interrupting him in his glum thoughts. 

Grateful for the distraction, Kenny lifted his head as Adam parked in front of a white house. They were at the edge of the town, right where it already started to bleed into the environment, which meant that there was a spacious garden stretching out behind the house. In the distance Kenny made out an impressive set of swings and a bright yellow slide. God, it had been ages since he had seen Matt‘s daughter the last time, three or four years ago when she had still been an infant, and his son now had to be about two years old. A lot of things he had missed. A lot of things to look forward to, if grief didn‘t weigh so heavily on him that it barely seemed possible to look forward to anything. 

Stupid. Sentimental. There was no way to move but forward.

“Thanks for the ride,“ he said with a smile and opened the door to get out.

Since Adam had seemed so reluctant when he had mentioned the Jackson brothers, Kenny was a little surprised to see that Adam cut off the engine and exited as well to help him with his luggage - surprised, but not ungrateful since it meant that he could put less strain on his left hand and the less of that, the better. 

They had crossed half of the front yard before the door flung open. Matt Jackson barreled out, beaming with such honest joy that Kenny could not help but brighten up as well.

“Kenny!“ he yelled, and Kenny barely had time to let go of the suitcase and duffle bag he carried before Matt wrapped him into a hug so tight that it squeezed the air out of him. Laughing, he returned the embrace and they clung to each other. He realized that despite everything it had been a good idea to come here. Family was necessary right now, and there was no one more family to him than Matt and Nick Jackson. Things would be alright, eventually. Standing there with Matt, Kenny could convince himself to really believe that.

“Man, I missed you so much,“ Matt said with heartfelt emotion when he finally let go, patting Kenny‘s shoulder as he did so. “You look like shit.“

“Thank you,“ Kenny laughed, “It‘s been an eventful week, cut me some slack here.“

“Yeah, yeah.“ Then Matt‘s gaze turned to Adam and he smiled. “Got some help though, I see. Thanks for picking him up, Page, really appreciate it.“

Adam shrugged, looking a little awkward, before he set down the rest of Kenny‘s luggage that he had been carrying. “It‘s nothin‘. Car‘s shot, though. Someone should take a look at it.“

“We‘ll take care of it, thanks. Listen, Page-“ And Kenny could see the way Adam‘s posture immediately stiffened at that, as if he got ready for a fight. If Matt saw it too, he ignored it since he simply continued, “I‘m sorry if we got off on the wrong foot this morning. Didn‘t want to put you under so much pressure to join. It‘s just, we think you would be a perfect fit, so just give it some thought, okay?“

“Right,“ Adam said and shook his head. “But I‘m done with that.“

“Alright,“ Matt said easily. But Kenny had known him for years and knew that the matter, whatever it was, wasn‘t settled for him. He could be stubborn as a bloodhound on a trail if he wanted something, and apparently he wanted something from Adam. “Uh, but, we‘ll need good horses and there might be other ways you could support the thing, you know. You mind if we came over someday this week and have a look at your stock? I‘m sure Kate‘ll appreciate the business.“

For a moment Adam eyed him as if he desperately wanted to say no, while Matt smiled in a way that told Kenny he knew exactly that Adam _couldn‘t_ say no. 

Finally, Adam shrugged again and nodded. “Sure. I‘ll show you around.“

“Great! Awesome. See you then.“

Adam nodded. His eyes found Kenny‘s and he smiled briefly. “See you.“

“Okay,“ Kenny said to Matt as they watched Adam leave, slamming his car door shut and driving away. “Wanna tell me what you guys are cooking up now or do you want me to find out myself?“

Matt grinned cheekily in a way that meant that Kenny would definitely hear about their newest plans. “Don‘t worry, you‘ll hear everything. We‘ll just wait for Nick, yeah? The wife‘s out with the kids over the weekend, so it’s just us for now. Just take your time, settle in, have a shower, take a nap.“

“Thanks, mom.“

Matt grinned again and patted his head exaggeratedly. “I‘ll show you your room, son.“

It was a lovely room in one corner of the upper floor, with a clear view of the backyard and the mountains in the distance. It was beautiful and Kenny suspected that it would be even more beautiful on clear, sunny days. Matt gave him a bit of space, saying something about having to make a call, and Kenny found that the bit of silence was unsettling. It was easier to be busy, to talk to people. He could have replied to the hundreds of messages from concerned fans distraught by his disappearance two weeks ago all over his YouTube channel and Twitter, but found that he didn’t have the energy for it, even though it could have provided valuable distraction. The moment he was alone, he started to think in Tokyo time again. It had to be around 20:00 in Tokyo right now. He stared at his laptop, the first thing he had unpacked, then decided to hit the shower instead of doing something stupid like trying to hit Kota with a Skype call.

It didn‘t help much. For a moment he was able to exchange reality for fantasy and pretend that he was back on tour with Kota, that this was just another hotel room of many they had shared through their successful careers - that Kota was still madly in love with him, that they had never truly fought and that he would wait for him in the bedroom when he was done. 

Then he came out, and he was still in Montana, still alone. 

He thought that he should be used to the heartbreak by now, but he wasn‘t. The silence, the absence was overwhelming. Still only in a towel, he sat down on the carpet, hurting hands clenched so tightly that burning sparks of pain shot up his arms. A deep breath couldn’t do anything against the tightness in his chest and shoulders. He pressed his fists against his eyes, ignoring the pain, and bit his lip. His body - wrecked. His career - possibly dead. His relationship - in shambles. Kenny had no concrete idea where to go from here, and he was too hurt to be able to think properly about it.

Then someone gripped his shoulder and he flinched. Looking up, he found that it was Matt, who watched him with a concerned frown on his face.

“You didn‘t hear me yell, so I came up to look for you,“ he explained, then hesitated a little. “You alright?“

“Not particularly,“ Kenny quietly admitted.

“We‘ll get there. You just gotta give yourself a little time,“ Matt said and reassuringly squeezed his shoulder. It truly was a comfort to be reminded that he wasn‘t completely alone, no matter how he might feel. “Come on. Dinner’s ready and Nick‘s gonna be here in five minutes. Get dressed, come downstairs. Maybe we‘ve got something to cheer you up.“

So he did exactly that. He got dressed, went downstairs, hugged Nick when he arrived at Matt‘s doorstep, caught up with the bits of their lives that had not fit into phone and Skype calls and held back with talking about himself. If it felt a little like an out-of-body-experience where he was watching himself go through the motions, nobody really noticed. And it got a little better the more the evening progressed. They laughed, they talked, they reminisced about old times, and Kenny felt himself relax a little so that he could enjoy the here and now.

“You still haven‘t told me what you‘re planning,“ he said when there was a comfortable lull in their conversation. 

Matt and Nick looked at each other with a grin before the former stretched a little and said, “Look, we love this town, but it could make do with a little more excitement, yeah? Tourism has been slow the last few years and we think we can put something together that might change that.“

“Oh?“ Kenny couldn‘t help but be intrigued. “What do you have in mind?“

“Sort of a rodeo fair,“ Nick said. “Think of a weekend at the end of summer - various booths and rides, at the center of it two big rodeo events, rough stock on Saturday, timed events on Sunday, trick riding on both. We‘d like to try something new with that - tell a story with it, and tell it over various media. Think of it as a traditional rodeo competition newly contextualized. It‘s never been done before like that.“

Kenny shook his head. “That sounds amazing, but how …?“

“A small number of participants,“ Matt said. “Each one of them with their own unique story to tell through rodeo, the fair as a culmination of what‘s been told over other media weeks before. We‘re thinking of mainly using a YouTube channel, actually. Already started working on that, promoting the thing a little and such, but I‘m not gonna lie, we could use some help.“

“And that‘s where I come in,“ Kenny realized.

Nick nodded. “Look, man, you know you can always say no, right? But your Cleaner channel is just pretty big and successful, and we know you know a lot more shit about all of the filming, cutting and promoting. You‘ve done all your videos on your own so far.“ He waggled his brows. “If you‘re feeling it, you could participate in the trick riding.“

“I haven‘t sat in a saddle for five years,“ Kenny laughed. It was a way better excuse than to remark that it probably was a pretty shitty idea as long as his hand was the way it was. “We‘ll see. But I‘d love to help with all the video stuff. Story developing, too, if you‘re up for it.“

Matt excitedly slapped his shoulder. “Fuck yeah! It‘s honestly so good to have you on board. There‘s no way in hell we won‘t succeed now.“

Kenny laughed again before he was struck with the memory of Matt‘s short conversation with his savior. “What‘s Adam Page to do with all of it, though?“

Matt and Nick exchanged a look before Matt sighed. “He‘s one of the goddamn best rodeo riders in this country. Made quite the name for himself in calf roping and bronc riding. People used to call him Hangman Page, he was just that good with a rope. Also he might not be that good with people, but damn if that boy doesn‘t have a way with horses. Would have loved to have him on board as well, but I guess it‘s not gonna happen. He hasn‘t done a single rodeo since that ugly business two years ago.“

Kenny frowned. “What happened?“

“Pretty nasty business,“ Nick shrugged. “All things considered, it‘s pretty rare that something really dangerous happens during calf roping, but he just had some shitty luck if I ever saw some. Rope caught the wrong way, broke the calf‘s neck and yanked him off his horse. Broke several ribs, I guess, but the guilt‘s worse. Poor bastard.“

“Damn,“ Kenny said with earnest sympathy and thought of the way Adam had seemed to close off whenever he had mentioned the Jackson brothers or rodeo, which now made so much more sense.

“We‘re still gonna get a few of Red Oak Ranch‘s broncos,“ Matt said. “They breed some excellent stock, using their horses will be good publicity. We‘ll probably head over tomorrow or the day after. You coming with us?“

“Sure,“ Kenny replied with a smile. After all, it wasn‘t as if he had anything better to do - and at least it would keep him a little longer from dreaming of Tokyo‘s lights, attempting Skype calls that remained unanswered.


	3. Adam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the moment where I should confess that I know shit about rodeo and life on a ranch. I'm trying to research as best as possible, but mistakes will happen - as will grammatical errors, since English is not my first language. Please point them out to me if you find one!
> 
> God, this is so incredibly slow burn, I am so sorry. But we'll get there, I promise.

The storm hit them overnight.

Adam fell asleep to it, listening to the way the raindrops hammered against the rooftop, wind howling through the trees. At some point the light went out, which was not that unusual during a storm like that. Fixing it was pretty pointless at that point, so Adam merely lit some candles and opened a bottle of beer to calm down the jitter in his bones that kept him unfocused and unable to sleep, letting him replay things he‘d rather forget over and over and fucking over again. He was tired of himself. Tired of this life. Tired of everything, at least for today.

After the fourth or fifth bottle, he finally managed to close his eyes for a bit.

He woke up a few hours later, the last bottle still in his hand and his neck stiff from the uncomfortable way he had fallen asleep on his sofa instead of the bed. Idiotic, really, but not the first time. And there was an upside on it. At some point, Ozzy the cat had curled up on his chest and now blinked at him sleepily with his big, green eyes. He was the tiniest cat imaginable, a tiny tabby that had been the runt of his litter. Ozzy was useless as a ranch cat; he did not kill the mice he caught, but rather tried to befriend them, even watching dragonflies and ladybugs for hours instead of trying to paw at them as his siblings did. They only kept and fed him because Kate had taken pity on him. Adam could relate. Perhaps that was why the cat was especially fond of hanging out with him. 

As soon as Ozzy realized that Adam was awake, he started to purr loud enough to be mistaken for an engine before he literally tried to crawl into the curly mess that was Adam‘s hair. With a sigh, Adam placed the bottle on the table next to the sofa, gently cradled the cat against his chest and gingerly sat up. The storm had settled. Sunlight filtered through the half-drawn curtains, specks of dust dancing in the bright spots. A quick glance at the clock told him that it was six in the morning - too late for the earliest tasks a ranch demanded, but he usually helped with other stuff than that, anyway. Seven was just fine. He had woken up later than that before, with a lot more headache than he had now. Actually it took more than a few beers to really faze him, these days. He had worried about that, at the beginning - still felt guilty about it now, too. But he had to sleep, and sleep didn‘t come easy to him these days. One had to pick one‘s battles. 

Adam gave up trying to get Ozzy literally out of his hair. With the cat curled contentedly against his shoulder and secured with one of his hands, he found his way into his bathroom where he somehow miraculously managed to brush his teeth one-handedly without dropping Ozzy or punching himself in the face. When the cat finally decided to finally find something else to do and let go of him, Adam tied his hair back into a practical bun, found a clean shirt and some jeans and buckled up before slipping into his boots.

He didn’t live at the main house. Instead he got his own lodge mere footsteps away from it, which was absolutely fine with him. It wasn’t that big, comfortable for two people and very nice for one, which was pretty much perfect for his needs. When he opened the front door and stepped out, he was greeted by the mild summer air of an after-storm day. Adam was pretty sure that the weather would stay agreeable for most of the day, which was a nice thing - it definitely made outdoor work a little easier. His first task of the day, however, led him into the stables where he fed the horses. He definitely felt better than yesterday, more centered and less anxious. It was going to be a good day.

After completing his task, the horses happily munching away, Adam stretched with a sigh, then walked over to the main house for some much-needed coffee and breakfast.

His cousin Rowan, two years younger than him, greeted him cheerfully in the hallway, already moving up and about.

”Market duty?” he asked with a glance at her clothes - white cowboy hat, clean jeans, boots, a cheeky red-white blouse knotted around her stomach so that she exposed a strip of sun-tanned skin whenever she moved. Definitely no clothes she wore when she was on field duty where she had to handle the tractor. She was on the hunt for new horses, then.

Rowan winked at him. ”Yeah, I’m on my way to town. I’ll be back in the afternoon.”

”Have fun, bring back some good ones.”

His cousin clapped his shoulder and moved on, whistling a tune he didn’t recognize. With a small, fond headshake Adam continued his way into the spacious kitchen where he found Kate bustling about. When she saw him, she smiled and went for the coffeepot to swiftly pour him a mug, putting it on the counter as Adam slid into one of the bar stools. She touched his shoulder in a fleeting gesture of affection, then set down a plate full of pancakes in front of him.

”Dig in,” she said. ”You’re gonna have to ride around and check the fences. Storm did quite the damage yesterday.”

”Gotta train with Calico and Ghost, though.” The two Quarter Horses were his current pride and joy. They were almost ready to be sold as excellent show horses, and Adam already dreaded as much as anticipated the moment a potential buyer would show their face.

”Later. The fences are more important.”

”Yes, Ma’am.” He sipped his coffee, then started to dig into his breakfast with a healthy appetite. ”How many riding lessons today?”

”I’ve got five students, Mike got the other five. Tomorrow’ll be busier, but that’s fine with me. Don’t forget the fences.”

Adam laughed and finished his coffee, putting the empty mug and plate into the dishwasher. ”I won’t. I’ll do it right away.”

”Good boy.” She fondly patted his cheek. ”See you later. I packed you some lunch.” 

Adam spent half of the day out on the grounds of the ranch with Gallows and Bullet, who was a very obedient packhorse that was too experienced to be fazed by most things. Kate had been right: The storm had done considerable damage, but their fences were sturdy and they checked them regularly, so repairing them turned out to be not that difficult. He ate his lunch surrounded by nothing but nature, then checked and repaired a few more fences before he was done with the most important of them. It was good. Life was good. 

And then he returned to the main house and found the Jackson brothers along with their guest Kenny in front of the paddock where they admired Ghost. He wasn’t surprised to see that the young mare, immediately loving all kinds of attention, was performing for them, showing off her long legs and formidable posture as she pranced around before their eyes. It was a little heartwarming to see that she gave up her show when she became aware of him, leaving her audience to come over. Adam steered Gallows and Bullet into her direction, close enough to the fence that the animals could greet each other for a moment, before he reluctantly raised his hand in greeting towards their guests.

”Page! Come over here!” Matt hollered good-naturedly and he rode a little closer, keeping a firm hand on the horses just in case. There was no need to worry: Gallows didn’t show much interest in other humans and Bullet merely craned his neck to look at Kenny, who gently patted him when he was close enough to do so. Then he looked up and smiled at Adam, and it did something funny to him - which was incredible, really, because he didn’t know the guy, not really, and he had a face one had to get used to in order to find him attractive. There was just something about him. Energy, Adam thought; a strange sort of energy that made him want to impress him. Stupid, really. It made absolutely no sense whatsoever, just another way in which his brain worked in mysterious and idiotic ways. His need to impress someone had led to tragedy once already, there was no need for more of this bullshit. 

There was a bit of smalltalk that made him relax. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the Jackson brothers. He liked them just fine. What he didn’t like about them was the way they knew rodeo like he did, yet had never failed as much. What he didn’t like about them was that they knew he had failed, they knew how he had taken it - was still taking it. What he didn’t like about them was that they wanted to drag him back into that world, a world he loved and yet wasn’t worthy of. He stopped thinking about it when Gallows became nervous underneath him, echoing his own anxiety. 

More smalltalk while he reined her in, then Kate came out of the house, tipped up her wide-brimmed hat and smiled at their guests before she directed a warmer version of that smile at him. ”You’ll show them the broncos, right?”

_You’ll show them the broncos._ He could. But suddenly his mouth was dry and he swallowed, searched for an answer, finally replied, ”I need a helper for that. Rowan’s still in town.”

”We can do it,” Nick immediately offered, because of course he would. ”We can take turns.”

”That’s decided then!” Kate said cheerfully without waiting for any kind of reply Adam could have to that, slapped everyone’s shoulder including Kenny’s and Gallow’s and walked off, whistling a tune to herself. Adam stared after her, equally enraged and exasperated, then decided that there was nothing to be done about it - and if he were really honest with himself, which he usually tried to avoid as much as possible, he would admit that he was almost grateful for the push. 

He swung out of the saddle and jumped down, making sure that the reins were safely looped over the horn of the saddle before handing Matt Gallows’s bridle. It didn’t sit entirely well with him, lending her to someone else, but she was ready and good at the job. ”You’ll take her first. She’s good as a helper, you won’t have any trouble.” He eyed Kenny. ”You’re helping, too?”

Kenny smiled and shook his head. ”I haven’t sat in a saddle for ages. Gotta get used to that again before I help as a pick up man.”

”Don’t get fooled,” Nick told Adam. ”He was a pretty good trick rider back in the days. We would’ve gotten him to get into rodeo eventually, if things hadn’t turned out differently. But no, he had to leave us for Tokyo ...”

”I’ve always been with you in spirit, my brothers,” Kenny replied so gravely, to which Matt and Nick pressed a hand against their chests so simultaneously and dramatically that Adam couldn’t help but laugh at their antics.

”It’s never too late to try out new things,” he told Kenny impulsively, then hated himself for it a little. It was pretty hypocritical of him to say so, but now he couldn’t take it back and anyway, Kenny smiled at him with such surprised delight that he didn’t even want to take it back. So he made the best out of it, rubbed his neck and murmured that he had to bring back Bullet and get the broncos ready before he fled as fast as he could. It was just that for a fleeting moment he had wished to be part of their easy camaraderie - had been able to imagine himself in such a situation, and it had been nice, that mental image. Living at the ranch with only family around for most of the time was nice and deliberately isolated, but sometimes …

Adam shook off that thought and concentrated on taking care of Bullet, unsaddling and brushing him before giving him food and letting him out onto the paddock where he happily joined the other horses. He caught his cousin Mike on his break between two riding lessons and convinced him to help him get three of their best broncos out to the training grounds, tying them neatly in the starting boxes to be handled when the time came. One of their farmhands, George, helped Nick and Kenny with keeping the broncos in check while Matt rode out onto the sandy riding ground. The broncos were young, excited, eager to run wild and buck their hearts out. Nick, Kenny and George had their hands full, and Adam quickly swung himself over the metal bar of the box that held one of the broncos. It was good that he had to act quickly - left less time to think himself into a frenzy and more time to simply act. So he got onto the bronco’s back, made sure that everything was in its proper place and allowed himself a moment to simply breathe. Excitement and terror; he breathed out, suppressed a tremble, fought down a smile. There was nothing better than this; there was nothing worse.

”I’m ready,” he told Nick, which was a lie. But there was no way other than forward - Nick wrenched open the gate and the bronco rushed forward, and for a single, glorious moment he forgot to regret, to think, and it almost felt like flying.


	4. Kenny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter one, apologies. But there is a first, longer interaction between the boys!
> 
> Thank you all for your support, by the way, I‘m glad that a few people like where this fic is going. <3

Once upon a time (six years ago), Kenny moved to Tokyo for love.

Later they would say that it was for his career, and that, too, was true. But the main reason he did it was love. Before he moved to Japan, he spent the major part of a year trying to gain Kota Ibushi’s attention - via challenges on his YouTube channel, Tweets, posts on Instagram. He had always been fascinated with Japanese culture, but the reason he learned Japanese for real was so that he would be able to communicate with Ibushi. The Golden Star. One of the most famous pro-gamers in pro-gaming history. There was an elegance and a vividness in his playing style that left Kenny breathless, that made him want more. And eventually, he got more. Way more than he had thought he would ever get. But who could have known that they fit together like body and soul, moon and stars? Before the heartbreak, before the heavy decisions that inevitably tore them apart, nobody had motivated and engaged Kenny more than Ibushi. He wanted to beat him, he wanted to be him, he wanted to be with him. And most of all, he wanted to see more. 

He had a similar feeling right now, watching Adam Page on the back of that bronco. Rodeo was an incredibly fast sport, at least in certain disciplines, and bronco riding was over in about seven seconds, but those seconds - if used well - could feel like minutes. And it was quickly visible that Page knew what he was doing. There was an elegance to the way he kept himself on horseback; his movements aligned with those of the bronco so well that they seemed fluid, like a song or a dance. The fascination echoed in Kenny’s entire body; he leaned forward, hands gripping the fence, heart thudding unsteadily in his chest. He felt almost sick and couldn’t say why for quite a while. Only when he had watched Page go through the motions with the second bronco, then the third, Kenny finally realized that it was excitement, the feeling of having discovered something new and important. He wasn‘t a rider, not really. But at that moment he thought that he could be one. More than that: He thought that he wanted to be one. 

Nick, ever quietly observing, noticed his fascination and smiled briefly, but knowingly before his attention refocused on reining in the broncos in his care. Kenny watched as Adam flung himself from the bronco‘s back into the saddle behind Matt in one fluid, strong motion, as if it came as easily to him as breathing. He found that he liked it, was intrigued by it. He wanted more of that, but most of all he wanted to know about Adam Page, who had behaved so reclusive and almost dismissive until now, and who seemed to be a whole other person on horseback. Who was he really? There was more to him than met the eye; Kenny had always had a keen sense for potential, and there was something about Page that reminded him of himself. 

So when the man was done showing off his indeed excellent broncos, Kenny did not hesitate and did not allow himself to think of Ibushi for even one second. It didn’t matter, he sternly told himself. They had split, he was on his own and just as Ibushi made his Kenny, too, would make his own choices. There was no one that could get hurt by them, anyway; he was a free man. So he simply waited until Matt and Nick had loudly started to haggle with Page‘s aunt who had joined them with the sharp smile of a business woman smelling a sweet deal, then he sauntered over to where Adam Page stood and secured the broncos. One could think that he appeared a little forlorn, but then again he was quite focused on his task and thus didn‘t notice Kenny‘s presence right away. When he did, he smiled briefly at him, keeping one horse in check with a firm grip. He had a quite impressive biceps that Kenny eyed for a moment with silent approval. 

“Need some help?“ he then asked as casually as he could.

For a moment, Adam looked almost startled, but then his face softened into positive surprise and he nodded. “We need to get them back to the paddock. Shouldn‘t be too hard, they‘re wilder than it seems.“

“Oh yeah?“

“Yeah. Just take that one by the halter and stay in range, you‘ll be fine.“

Kenny did as he was told. It truly was a beautiful mare, white with splashes of black that looked like ink splotches. She made a fuss when he took her, shook her head but not overly so, and indeed she let herself be led to the paddock without many problems as soon as he had shown a bit of a hard hand. He repeated the entire process with another horse, focused on his task and smiling in satisfaction when all of the broncos were safely back on the paddock where they belonged.

Adam eyed him appraisingly after closing the gate of the paddock. “Not bad. I can see that you‘ve worked with horses before.“

“Only a little. I‘ve never been able to do what you did just there. You‘re pretty incredible.“ Kenny flashed him his most winning smile and eagerly noted the way Adam‘s cheeks slightly flushed under the praise.

He watched as Adam rubbed the back of his neck. There were slight dimples in his cheeks when he smiled. “That was nothing.“

“If that was nothing, I‘ll be blown away by your something. Do you give lessons?“

Apparently he had managed to surprise Adam again, since he was given another wide-eyed look. “Riding lessons?“

“Yeah. I‘d like to get back into it, and I‘d love to do that with you.“ Oh shit. He managed to hide a wince and sincerely hoped that he was the only one noticing how much that sounded like an innuendo.

Apparently he was fortunate, since Adam merely looked confused. “You want to take lessons .. from me?“

“Yeah. I‘d love that.“

Adam blinked. “I mean, I do teach a few people, yeah. Are you sure you …?“ He laughed a little self-consciously, which Kenny didn‘t quite understand until he added, “I mean I could ask Rowan or my other cousin, they‘re a little better at handling people.“

“I think we‘ll do just fine,“ Kenny told him with a smile, then hesitated a little. “Although, if you don‘t want to work with me, that‘s fine. A bit sad since I would like to hang out more with you, but I‘ll live, although with a heavy heart.“ He sighed dramatically, then winked at Adam, which gained him another embarrassed smile.

“No, that‘s - no, I‘d like to, if you‘d have me.“ 

Oh no. Apart from the gruffness he expressed whenever someone pressed him a little too much about rodeo, he was sweet. Kenny usually gravitated towards confident people when it came to matters of attraction, but then again Adam‘s apparent awkwardness made it easier for him to be confident himself, which was pretty welcome. And he wasn‘t sure whether Adam understood that he was flirting with him and simply didn‘t really know how to handle it, or whether he didn‘t and thus reacted in blissful ignorance with natural sweetness. (Or, even worse, whether he was a straight and thus found Kenny hitting on him incredibly awkward, but Kenny didn‘t think that was the case. He usually had a good feeling for a person‘s level of queerness.) To Adam‘s defense, Kenny could honestly not tell if his flirting skill were simply rusty by now - it had been a few years since he had been single, after all, and on top of that flirting with Ibushi, flirting in _Japanese_ , had been a terribly subtle thing not entirely suitable for most Europeans and Americans. He‘d have to test the waters a little more, but perhaps not now.

“I‘d love to,“ he therefore only replied. “Can we start tomorrow?“

Apparently, his honest eagerness caused something in Adam to relax, and that relaxation brought out his humor. He looked at Kenny‘s flip flops, raised an eyebrow and said, “I‘ll donate a pair of proper boots to you before. Those sorry excuses of shoes are pretty outrageous, dude.“

Kenny gasped overly dramatically and pressed a hand against his chest as if he had been mortally offended. “How dare you, good sir? I‘ll have you know that these flip flops were designed by the one and only Young Bucks, this is a one of a kind test run for the Rodeo Fair merch line!“

“God help us all, I‘d rather die than wear those,“ Adam said promptly with enough drama to fill an entire opera with, and when Kenny laughed loudly in good humor at that he laughed too, quiet and pleased and so relaxed that he clasped Kenny‘s shoulder in what was clearly natural friendliness before he told him, “If you don‘t find any, I‘ll be happy to lend you some proper boots, for real. It‘s no shame if you haven‘t got the proper gear, you know. We‘re used to lending a bit of stuff to the occasional student. Tomorrow I’m pretty free as of now, you can come any time.“

Kenny almost bit his tongue in an attempt to keep himself from cackling at that like a twelve-year-old, but it was pretty difficult. Still, he managed and merely nodded, not wasting an opportunity to pat Adam‘s shoulder himself. “I‘ll swing by around three, does that work for you?“

“Sure. I‘m looking forward to it.“

To his own surprise, he found that it was absolutely true.


End file.
